-And I'm back at myself again.
Here is my personal testimony of acceptance...
-And lately, I found myself pondering over myself lately. The things in my life, the goals Ive set. The schooling Im in, the job I have, the family Im in, the person I am bound to marry, the changes that I am soon to accept, or the challeneges I am soon to take. -My future..
I worry, for my present days that I might not fulfill what I am to become in the future. What is my will for You God? What am I to be? Who do YOU want me to be? Is this the job that You have set forth of me? Afterall You have brought me in circles and Ive found myself back to where I left off... -I hate it, but am I 'almost liking it' stage yet? -Tell me God. Am I the person You have mold me to be today? Am I only going to grow more in You and in this world? Who are the people who I will share my life with in the future? The people I am bound to meet.
I just dont want to hurt,... -anyone. I just feel like I want You God to tell me so I can just jump myself ahead and meet them and not having to get hurt by other people who may not exist in my future... I dont want to have to cut them out. I dont want to have to deny them. I dont want to have to see them go. I dont want to hurt them because I already know that it will hurt me.
And if you know me, you will know that I am the type of person who is easily worried. I worry too much I admitted these past couple of days. Its killing me as a matter of fact.
Its one of those, "I know the reason, but I want the answer" kinda thing..
I know that yes God,... -is preparing me for my future. Yesterday was its own day, today is its own day, tomorrow is its own day. -each with problem of its own. I shouldnt worry at all right? No I shouldnt.. But I am, because I am afraid. Do I not trust on God to guide, prepare, and set my future? No,.. I do. Im just a selfish, bratty human being who wants to take advantage of her Fathers love -but God doesnt work like a human being. Sighs*
I know,.. that the people I am bound to meet, whether I may hurt them or not. Its only to help me to accept the things in my life. I may get hurt, and I may cause hurt, but the prize at the end of the road is only to complete me, and not hurt me, and not worry me..
(July'10..)-sy*
