Human .vs. Spiritual

I know, that Life is not fair.. -But that's only the human part of me speaking. 
I know better not to feel the way that I do.  I know better that this is only the beginning.  And that is me, speaking..

I know the difference between my feelings and my thoughts.  But as of right now, the Human part of me is hurt, dis-stressed, and full of sorrow and grief.  There are not words that can express what is truly going through my thoughts.  I am stopping myself from these thoughts. 

During the storm, I will dance with joy and continue to praise His name, and raise His name on high.  Because He is the ultimate power, the ultimate gift, the ultimate prize that I, -we all seek.  And if You shall win this race before I do, my soul dances with joy for you, while my body is in grief.. -that I alone am still left to finish this race.

But I will not let this earthy body or things bring me down.  Because this is a war, that I am going to win, and soon, I too will reach the ultimate prize and He will welcome me home at last..


Jeff&Cicily-KojZooTagTag

RE-cap for Ya..

Lately, there is nothing I want more than;

-to be with the ones I love.. and bathe myself in musicc...

-You.

..You're just gonna have to prove to me why I need you.....

Deliever me, -From here...

-And to be quite honest, I am tired of this world.  I am tired of working this world (already), only for the sick pleasure of this world alone.  I don't want any part in it.  I am ready to be taken away from here.  As much as I know who I am, I am not this person speaking...  -But it is that it is the honest truth. 

If however, that the truth first must be revealed here, then let it be.  I am tired of this weary world.  I hate the sins and temptations that covers my naked eye from the Truth.  I am ripping through the layers of this world, because I am a fighter against this world.  This is not my home..  I am only a guest.  My body was bought at a price, and I am to slave this earthly body until my soul is to take. 

I am young, I am not yet half way through to my years of duty, but I am ready...  My knowledge, is still growing, but I want more of You as I continue my visitation.  -Not giving up, but letting You know, that I am ready when You are... 

I'm ready to come home when You say that I am done.  -And I will be glad too...

"...because  all I really need is You.."
Jeff&Cicly-TakeMe




Jeff & Cicily - Take Me
To you O Lord I pour my trus Deliver me from here Teach me save me Your my refuge

Please take me away from here please take me away from here Cause all I really need is you cause all I really need is you

To you o Lord I pour my trust Deliver me from here Teach me save me Your my refuge

Please take me away from here Please take me away from here cause all I really need is you cause all I really need is you

Get it? Got it good. Be best...

-And I am about to break the snap out of it.
I'm sick and tired of depending on people.  How was I in this position anyhow? 
Now, I slap myself in the face with trying to make it work with the world and 'people' in particular.  I honestly do not like the idea of having to depend on people.  The sick thought of litterally having to wait on others before making a decision or doing anything.  Urgh. I am sick of it!

I knew from the very beginning that things never work out well in this kind of 'program/system'.  Sighs...
Anyway, my day of 'Today' did not turn out as well as I had hope it to be.  I litterally sat, and planned..  -But things just didn't turn out as planned. OBVIOUSLY. 

-All I'm saying is,... "If there is something going on and you expect me to be a part of it?  Best tell me.  -PLEASE I'm begging on my knees!  Otherwise, -don't expect me to be there.  I do have a life. I'm not going to be sitting around waiting for the world to call on me.  But what I am going to be doing is tackeling this world down.  -Got it?"  Sighs, with no disrespect, but please man...

Okay, get it got it good.  Be best...

-Its been a Long Run..

Its late, but I'm still holding Saturday accoutable for this blog post..

I haven't acknowledged it as much as I should have this past couple of days..
-I haven't shared Our love story with you..  But just for the record, -we are still doing well.
We, -individually, are undergoing our challenges, and accomplishments in our lives each and every day.
But we remain the same, just stronger each and every new day..

I have to give it to Xiong though however, because he... -have delt with me in every way these past few days..
He's not so great at cheering things on, but he's great at making things better.  I feel terrible, because I have not acknowledge him as much as I should be these past few days -going on weeks.  I just don't know?  Maybe this 'whole thing' is just getting to me.  Not really "caring" to spend time with him because I'm so wraped up with school and work.  What I strongly need is to re-prioritize myself. 
I love him though.. <3

-But it caught up to me,... and I realize, that I am at fault with this whole 'self concentration/evaluation'.  Hm, sounds good...  -But honestly, He is part of my'self' too. 

Anyway, its late.  Just finished some homework.  Off to bed I go because I have church in the morning.. =)
It's going to be a new day, a new week -for a new beginning. =)

It's a Long Night..

I don't deserve to be crying.. -But trying..

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In Every Ounce of Me...

I'm starting to give it up...
I don't even know how I became so determine in the first place..  I thought I got it right?  I thought, that maybe if I became so on top of things, then maybe things will get better as the days go by.  That everything will fall into place because I am way ahead of myself to let anything fail?  But who am I to say? 

I have been pushing myself harder and harder each and every day, -for the same reasons.  But what happend now?  All my pushing and striving, only brought me 'the same thing even if I wasn't trying so hard'.  Sighs.  I am slowly, giving it all up.  I'm starting to see no point in trying harder to succeed.  I'm sitting here, still trying to push harder, but the only thing that is going around in my head are the questions to 'how did this happen in the first place?' 'where have I gone wrong?' 'what did I do?' 'WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?'.  -You tell me...

All my planning and finishing up early, brought me to the same spot as if everything was just done yesterday?  Maybe, 'failure' is embedded into me?  I don't know, I dont know...  -All I know, is that I'm starting to feel that Everything I have done, was absolutely..... -Pointless.

Pointless.

-And He got to Me...

I cannot seem to get over the thought that He has told me so.  That it is not worth it to be doing what I am doing.  He told me, it’s painful and regretful.  I am amazed with the fact that He had told me what I have never been told before.  While everyone is telling to me stay, and stick around a little longer, -He isn't.  Is this the true reality of it at the end?  I don't want any fairy tale endings, or dream come true.  I just want to face the true facts, not the color that covers the plan white walls?  Either way, it is stuck in the back of my brain like glue..

I am starting to think, that what if he is right?  What am I doing?  Not that I am ever going to be giving up?  But what “IF”  He was right?  How am I to come about that? 

I can say that at times, I or we tend to be a little selfish, and take all the goodies on the plate.  -And there are those, who realizes that breakfast is better than dessert?  So which am I? -Or am I the coward that takes everything for granted because both breakfast and dessert is given, but drops neither for the other? 

What if?  What if? What if this is not worth doing?  What if?  What if I am bound to regret it one day when I’m stuck in the middle of the race while I watch my peers go pass me?  What if?  What if?  What if this is really not worth doing?  How then, am I to come about that?

YAY-er! X)

I  have the perfect formula, I have the perfect formula. 
That's all I gotta say... =)

(other than that?)
Life's been a jelly-fish =) I really can not complain one bit.  Other than I am starting to view things the same as I once did before, that is awesome!  There are little things and the answer is just simply, 'be a Trooper'.  Trust me, you will be amazed at how stress-free you will be in the next week days..  

But here I am at school again.  Now that, is nothing never new.  I have been at school every single night, even on the weekends.  Yesterday, was the 'Rock & Road Worship Show' here, but sadly -yes, I was at school.  Not that I am cramming my homework and studies, but getting everything all together making it a "whole lot simpler" for me! =D  Bravo and a pat on the back?  Yes!  My only problem is I lovelovelove -live concerts.  However, yesterday just did not turn out for me.  I am certain, that everyone who went yesterday had a blast (HCAC Youth, M.Allread etc..) =)

You know what?  I am so surprise that today, there isn't much for me to talk about?  But you also know what?  That is so awesome!  Which means, Life's been good! WHOOPWHOOP!

Adios mi Amigos!

Its a Sunny Day =)

-And it will not seem right or quite understanding if I am to tell you that I am a 'new person today.'  Will you have jumped out of your seat and tell me that I am full of little craziness inside of me to have say; that between the time in which I had dropped below my minimum, that I am to he highest that I am right now?  -That is correct..  Call me crazy.

There isn't much that had happened.  But I will tell you this, little has happened, and little has meant so much more.  I do not want what I was yesterday or the day before.  I will only want to be, and will be better today, tomorrow, and from now on.  I am not who I was,... I am not who I was..

'I wish you could see me now. I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was. I used to be mad at you. A little on the hurt side too But I'm not who I was

I found my way around To forgiving you Some time ago; But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph. I saw me and I had to laugh. You know, I'm not who I was. You were there, you were right above me, And I wonder if you ever loved me Just for who I was

When the pain came back again, Like a bitter friend, It was all that I could do To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing, I figured out I can sing. Now I'm not who I was. I write about love and such Maybe 'cause I want it so much I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I, I should let you know, I am not the same. But I never did forget your name -Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing In amazing grace, Is the chance to give it out. Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now, I wish I could show you how, -I'm not who I was...'

-BrandonHeath;Im Not Who I Was

It is only wrong of me, to say that I have not changed.  -For better or for worse, I am better today, than I will ever be before.  Smile, chin-up, it's a Sunny Day.  It's another Beautiful, Blessful, and Brighter day..

Love,

Alex-sy*

I am,..

-a person with Hope and Courage. 
The perfect formula to a New Chapter =)

"Theres a light at the end of the tunnel"...

Im just an optimist...

I'm just an optimist.  Which is probally why you never cared.  Always thinking I'm over myself and ready for the next.  A self-achiever, someone who never lets others get to her easily.  Although she does consider, it just doesn't get to her I'll tell you that much.

Im afraid, that my sense of 'Independency' is taking over her.  She just doesn't 'care' anymore about anything.  Everything always comes to a disappointment.  Yes, maybe I have a little high of an expectation, -but that is what you expect from me?  It's just always better doing and giving more because You know that person deserves so much more of you?  Right?  -Exactly...

I'm becoming blunt, and to be real honest, straight-forward that it seems like I have no sense of feelings anymore?  -But it's just the matter of time when she had it in her.

I just dont know what to do anymore.  I have to admit, it's not as bad as I'm making it seem, -but it's just effortless...  THAT, is my whole point.

the Day after Yesterday;

Its finally a new day, and the sun shines in my world once again. 
I am -Renew! =) Happy I am greatfully...  There is nothing more that I can express about the Spirit and how He works from up above. 

I finally reached my "new week" and is coming on strong.  I truly believe in the feeling of sharing hardships through the power of Sisterhood and Brotherhood.  It's a natural bonding and what holds us together..

And Yesterday, was a journey, I am bound to remember..

Stay tune, class is starting.. =)

Honesty and Truth

My mind is bothered no matter how I isolate myself.  I can not rethink anything at all.  Caught in a blizard of storm, I can not breathe..  I am starting to misunderstand the whole idea of 'honestly, and truth'?  I do not know where it is that it's suppose to lead to in the first place now?  Because honestly, I have done nothing wrong but to be honest and true to the things around me.  How is it that at the very end, I am still the one pondering over the same thing over and over again?  What have I done?  Where have I gone wrong, or don't understand? 

I thought that the whole "idea," was to be honest about what I do, and what I do and do not understand?  I am the fool that they make of me?  It's not right, and the yucky feeling?... Oh my goodness.  -Are you serious?  -Damn..

I am, -back to where I started again.  I am not the one to be put down, I only rise up taller than before.  -So thank you.  Don't get me wrong?  I still gotta love..  But I'm just never going to look at things the same.  Thank you.