S.AlexisYang

One thing that stands out the most of me;
is that I am full of H o p e and m a n y P o s s i b i l i t i e s . . . .

I'm not A f r a i d .

Truth of the matter is, I'm really not afraid of death.  I'm more afraid that I have not loved enough, given enough, and done enough of what I could have done. 

I'm more afraid that with the big heart of mine, I have not given it all and done the best I could have.  -Or it is that I have not shown enough love.. I am more afraid, that if I have not given enough Love, who else will love the way I have loved you, or wish I could have given you.  I am more afraid, that without my love, how will you ever feel love again.  I am afraid that if I have not given enough, who else will give you the things I wish I could have given you.  I am afraid, that no one will go the distance to measure  the depths of my heart for you.

-And truth of the matter is, with Love, it conquers all. And truth of the matter is, death cannot seperate it all. Bc with the right kind of Love, Love will win at the end -and I will see you face to face again..

But the honest Truth of the matter is, I am really not afraid of death.  I am more afraid that I have not love enough, given enough, and done enough of what I could have done.  Truth of the matter is, I am not afraid.  I'm afraid that no one will give you the Love -the Love I wish to have love you. 

-Im coming Your way.

It is very unlikely for me to be acting this way.  I am, I am..

-Very few knows me.  But majority knows of me.  I am, -I am, not what others will say.  I am not special, I am not like the rest, I am not similair, I am no different, I am -me.  I am, I am -Sia.

Over the past few months, I have been showered with love and blessings from every corner.  I am, I feel I was, the happiest girl ever.  I am, what I feel, the most successful I have ever been...  I have achieved what I thought I will never have.  I have done things, not most early twenty-years young will have done nor achieve.  I am, proud of the things I have, and things I do not have.  I am, I feel, I was, the happiest girl ever.

Over the past few days, I have been showered with blessings.  Blessings to remind me, that all of the above do not matter.  Because what really matters is that I am here.  That this is the moment.  The moment in which life still goes on -with or without the glorious things I have had. 

It has been difficult for me to understand such things.  I have been filled with so much anger, so much sadness, sorrow -oh how poetic it seems.  But my frustrations of 'how can this be' still grows and lingers in the back of my mind.  I cannot fathom enough of 'how can this be,' 'what have I done to deserve this?,'..  But when truthfully, this is just to show me the brighter side of life itself.  Although the glass seems to be thicker than before, I am going to pound on this glass until I am free of myself.  Free of this frustration.  Free of being this -person that I am, that I am..

I cannot dwell on the past, -all the hardworkings of my work.  I cannot keep going on that I have disciplined myself to get to where I once was.  I cannot keep going on that I did not grow up like the rest.  I cannot keep going that I did not have what others have.  I cannot keep going on that because of these that I did not have, I have what I have today. 

Truthfully, I am blinded by the joy of the past week and a half.  A shadow has cast its way over me and beyond.

I know I should feel bless.  I should be thankful.  I should not look at any of "this" the way I am.  I am, dwelling in the past of a week and a half ago.  I am, waiting for the storm to break free beyond these eyes.  I am waiting, to cry my heart out that I am hurt so much.  Pain, strikes through each and everyday.  -Reminding me that I am the way I am, because of a week and a half ago.  I am, loosing myself -crazy, unorganized, unable to do my regular routine, unable to think, lingering -lingering over a week and a half ago. 

It was just yesterday ago, that I was showered with love and blessings.  But today, I am showered with more love and blessings than ever.




Break free from this maddness.  Shine Your light to this overcasting shadow.  -Im coming your way...





[DespirationBand-ImComingYourWay]

You.

-The silence fills the room as it echoes in the back of my mind that You really don't care anymore..

A shock hits me a million times to know how easily it was for you to let it go.  Trust me, when I say this as a last time.  You had every power over me, to take all of me.  -And when you do, just know, just know that you will be leaving with all of me.  No, no you have not taken what is mine.  Just know, that change will be hard and difficult to deal with.  But with change, also comes a new..  -A new person, a new life, a new set of goals and a new love.

I am, I was, a firm believer in us.  A firm believer that all will grow, and our stem will never fail the support of our blooming love.  But our water has run dry.  -And we can't understand one another anymore.  It hurted me to know that I was not part of your everything.  Less need to be said, and less it was..  Its just that simple.

Ticking.

My clock is ticking and I have no more time to loose and no more to gain.  I keep pondering over the same messages and doings as I always do, only to find myself back to first base. 

My clock is ticking, and I have no more time to loose and no more to gain.  I am in need of your trust, and your faith that it is coming.  Whether or not you believe me, let I be the example that speaks. 

My time is coming, and I have no more time to loose and no more to gain..

July 2012

-And it is almost here.  I have been working on this project for almost a month now.  It is taking much longer than I have anticipated.  Nonetheless, I know it will be worth the work and effort I have been putting into it.  I just hope, that my effort will be appreciated for what it is worth.

Everything has almost been becoming a drag, so it seems.  I'm definitely hanging in there these past couple of days.  I haven't been feeling the need to socialize, or having any type of social life at all.  It's not that I'm pushing everything else aside, or away..  I'm just not up for it right now.  What a shame, it's summer..

I have less than a month to plan now.  Let's see how this comes about.  Let me be happy doing what I do best.. -or is it..

Summer 2012 CheckList

[ X ]  Finish a Korean Drama
[  ]  Teach Noelle how to play volleyball
[ X  ]  Color my wardrobe
[  X ]  Save money to/and get my IS
[  X ]  Finish a book Series
[  ]

-Last Update; Sunday; Sept30th2012

my dear, Dear Friend.

The truth of the matter is, -is that it happened.  It had never occured to me of the campabilities of it all.  I never wanted to see what happened.  No one, no one, should have have to experience the things you did.  I can not imagine, I can  not compare, words can not describe, the challeneges you have gone through.  Its hard to say, that we, -I have to face the fact that it really did happen. 

Truth is, I never thought this could have happened.  My dear, Dear Friend, how things are not the same without you.  We are still too young.  Life is just starting to bloom at twenty-one..  Love was never there, and we have not found Love.  We were suppose to find it together, and make this life worthwhile.  Truth is, I will miss you.  I will miss you my dear, Dear Friend.

To whom it may concern:
-Your sense of ignorance, and egoism, will rot with you til the day you leave this place.  I dispise you, never can I find it in me to forgive you for the things you have done.  Regardless of the pittiness you crave, or the sympathy you try to give..  I will look upon your face with no mercy, at which you brought this upon yourself.  Better yet, I will give you the good in me, and tell you; take this as a lesson you selfish bastard.  Live each day like its your last knowing you took someone's breath away.  Live with the maddness and uncontrolable guilt inside your guts until it eats you alive.